What He Lost
by xSeshatx
Summary: {Oneshot} Daryl returns to the place he once called home, and he relives some memories of the people he has lost. He lost more than just Merle. Mister Daryl Dixon also lost his daughter.
It didn't take a genius to figure out that Daryl Dixon did not talk about himself. That much was more than obvious to anybody who knew the hunter, and those people had figured it out before they really got to know him as much as they did. If any of them were to think about it they would realize how little they really did know about the man. Nobody had any idea of how old he was, what he used to do before the apocalypse, the people who he had lost, or even something as small as a movie he enjoyed. He was more than private and everybody knew it. They knew the things about him that they needed to. They knew he was a hothead, loyal, and selfless. More than once he had put himself on the line just to save somebody else. Back at the farm Daryl had went to get Carol when he could have just left to save himself, and when he realized that Andrea wasn't with them he wanted to go back for her even if he wasn't too fond of the girl. They all knew that Daryl was a damn good hunter and, if possible, an even better tracker, and they knew he could hold his own in a fight with weapons and without. They knew enough about Daryl to know that they needed him, and they also knew that maybe there was more to the man that just seemed to fit right with them. They trusted him, and it wasn't because of his skills as a survivor.

Everybody also knew that the man was quiet. If he had something to say then everybody had better listen because it was important. He kept to himself when he could and he remained quiet if he couldn't. He was not a big fan of people and tended to avoid his own group as much as possible. That was one of the reasons he always went hunting by himself even if he told the group it was because he hunted better on his own and another person would just slow him down. Of course that was also partly true, but he knew his skills would have made up for any extra person he had to drag along with him. He preferred hunting alone because he needed to get away from people as much as possible. Mostly everybody in his group knew that was the reason for it, too, but they all went along with whatever he said and didn't question it too much. Nobody liked the idea of him going out on his own, but they knew that if they wanted Daryl to stay with them then they had to heed to some of his needs.

Because of his quietness nobody noticed the way he reacted when they entered a small city that was very familiar to him. He hadn't been talking beforehand and he didn't have a habit of making small talk (especially on a supply run) so his silence was normal. During their run he tried to stall as much as possible so that maybe Rick would decide to head back to the prison instead of pushing into this small town they had seen on the map. No matter how hard he tried, though, he couldn't find enough excuses to put off the last stop of their supply run. Instead of telling Rick that he couldn't be apart of this trip he just stared out the window as they pulled up to a stop in the center of a small neighborhood. The houses looked a little run-down but from the outside it didn't seem as if there had been much struggle inside the houses, so Rick had decided that they should check it out for supplies.

Memories of his life before the world went to shit flashed into his mind despite how hard he was trying to avoid it. It was like watching a movie of his life on fast-forward, but as he got into his later life the tape started to slow down. Instead of seeing images of his father he started seeing images of a beautiful, smiling woman. Each image of her he imagined showed her stomach getting bigger and bigger until he saw her: Tessa. She was so tiny in her mother's arms and even tinier in his own. He could basically feel her little hands grasping ahold of his finger as he rocked her side to side in the hospital. It was only a happy memory for a short moment and then he was looking at the grave of Josephine; the wonderful woman he had proposed to only days before she got hit by a drunk driver on her way home from work. Their baby was four at the time, and she cried hard for the loss of her momma. He could still hear her shrieks.

 _"Daddy, I want mommy back!"_

 _"I know, baby. I want momma back, too. It's okay. C'mere, honey."_

 _"Daddy, why are they putting her in the ground? She won't be able to come back! Why won't you stop them, daddy?!"_

He was startled out of his thoughts when he heard a car door open. He looked over and saw the other passengers - Rick, Carl, and Michonne - were getting out of the car. He quickly followed and they began searching the houses. They found only a small amount of walkers which wasn't surprising at all to Daryl. This town was small so there weren't too many people living there, and the people there were already on their way to Atlanta when Merle came and found him. Surly anybody passing through the area would never have even considered checking around inside every house for supplies because the town simply looked empty. The town was pretty empty before the apocalypse even hit. He didn't mind it, though; he preferred to live in a small area with few people. Josephine and Tessa loved it, too.

 _"What about here, Jossie? Quiet and secluded place just like you wanted."_

 _"It's beautiful. Think this will be a good place to have our baby?"_

 _"I think it'll be perfect."_

Daryl kept trying to push the memories away but it wasn't working whatsoever. This place was where he started his family, and this is where he continued to raise his daughter even when her momma passed away. He created a name for himself that had nothing to do with his dad or Merle. Nobody here judged him for being redneck white trash. He had friends, his girl had friends, and their daughter was so popular in their little neighborhood. Everybody loved her and watched out for her. There weren't many children in their neighborhood and the children that were there were all boys, so Tessa was a nice addition to everybody. Even the little boys included his little girl when they played together. All of their neighbors were more than just neighbors to them; they were a family. No crime happened in their little neighborhood.

It didn't take long for the group to make it to his house. Rick started approaching it, and suddenly Daryl couldn't help himself. He felt like he would explode if he even stepped foot inside the house. Hell, it was hard enough for him to go inside the houses of his neighbors. He reached out to grab hold of his arm before he passed him. "Let's skip this one," he said as he tried to avoid looking at the house. "It's runnin' late and we should head back. I should hunt before it gets too dark, and 'sides, I wanna give little asskicker that doll we found up the street."

 _"Daddy, is it okay if I give Ms. Karen my doll to give to her baby?"_

 _"It's yours. You do what you want with it."_

 _"You think she'll be mad cause it's used and for a girl and not a boy? Her baby will be a boy."_

 _"I think Ms. Karen won't mind at all."_

Rick raised his eyebrow at the man who was talking to the ground rather than to him. "We only got two more houses. We should check them out before we head back. It'll only take ten more minutes," he said, and because Daryl couldn't think of anything to say to argue with him he let go of his arm and followed the sheriff. Now that Rick realized how uncomfortable the hunter was he was worried, but he knew better than to say anything. Before he opened the door he briefly wondered if he should've agreed to return to the prison instead of going through the last couple of houses. Daryl didn't speak up often, and when he did there was a reason. He wondered what was going on in his friend's head.

Daryl didn't make it through the front door before he froze. He wasn't ready to go back into this house. It was the last place he saw his daughter. He remembered everything about that morning. She had turned seven a few days beforehand and was still bragging about how grown up she was. She was wearing her new Hello Kitty t-shirt, jeans, and her old pair of pink light-up shoes that she absolutely insisted on him buying for her. He pulled her hair into a ponytail and gave her a huge hug before she was running outside to catch the bus. She nearly forgot her bookbag but remembered at the last minute just like she did every morning. She got to the bus, turned around, smiled, waved, and then ran up the steps onto the bus. She did that every morning. God he missed her.

 _"Merle! Is Tessa with you?!"_

 _"Man, she's gone! Just like those folk on the news. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, Daryl. We need to leave. Now. C'mon, brother. Hurry!"_

 _"Daryl?" Michonne questioned and he felt her hand on his arm. "What is it?"_

Rick looked around the living room as he tried to figure out what it was that Daryl saw that made him turn as white as he had with that broken look on his face. He didn't even smell death, and the place seemed pretty normal. This house looked like what a house would've looked like before the apocalypse happened. In fact most of the houses looked like that. Of course most of the food in the houses were long bad but they got plenty of canned food and toiletries like toothpaste and shampoo that was rare to come across. He scanned the floor for blood, bodies, anything, but he didn't see anything that didn't belong. He raised his eyes and then felt his heart drop as he saw the pictures the lined the mantelpiece.

He looked over at Daryl just as Daryl turned to look at him. "This was your house," he said, not needing to ask. Daryl nodded a small confirmation. Rick could have kicked himself at that moment. It was all so clear now that he thought about it. Daryl obviously didn't want to come into this town, and he even asked him if they could skip this house and head back. "God, Daryl, I'm sorry. If you told me this was your house we could've went back. Let's head back to the prison. We have enough supplies."

"No," Daryl said, shaking his head and taking a small step into the house. Everybody could tell just how painful it must have been for him to step inside, and he was shaking terribly. Instead of turning around and walking away, Daryl just shook his head and clenched his fists. "We're here so we should see if there's anythin' left to take. Had a shit ton of food."

Wanting to get out of the house as fast as possible, Carl ran to the kitchen with his gun up just in case before going through the pantry and shoving as much food as he could into his bag. He knew how he felt when he was back at his home and he knew Daryl must have been feeling pretty horrible. Michonne had the same idea as she scavenged the bathroom without hesitation. Rick didn't move from the living room and instead watched Daryl. "Are you okay?" he asked even though he knew Daryl would lie and say yes.

He was right, of course, because Daryl nodded. "'m fine," he said gruffly. "I got guns down in the basement locked in the top shelf above the washer and dryer. Ammo's in the same place. Mind grabbin' that stuff? Get anythin' else you see that you think we could use. I'll be back." Instead of leaving the house like Rick figured he would, Daryl walked down the hallway into what looked like the bedrooms. Rick hurried downstairs to grab those guns and was relieved to find them, as well as the ammo, still locked in the cabinet like Daryl had said. As he grabbed the few guns that were in there he saw something that made his heart stop. He slowly picked up a tiny little pink crossbow that looked as if it was for a child. He stared at it for a moment before looking around the basement of his friend's home. There was a basket of clothes off to one side that was obviously for a child, and looking past that he saw a picture of Daryl, a woman, and a baby. The baby must have only been a few months old.

Deciding that they needed to leave the house soon to get Daryl away from all of these memories he quickly picked up the guns and packed the ammo. Right before he went upstairs he snagged the picture with the intentions of grabbing a few more from upstairs. He went to the living room where Carl and Michonne were both studying everything carefully. Carl was holding a teddy bear in his hands tight and when he looked up Rick could see his son's walls coming down. He looked his age, and he looked sad. Sad for their friend. Michonne had a pained look on her face as she studied a picture of a little girl. She was about six or seven in the picture. "Did you know he had a daughter?" she asked Rick, passing the photo over to him.

Instead of looking at it, Rick placed it inside of his bag with the other picture he had picked up. "Had no idea," he said with a sigh. "He's never talked about himself. I couldn't picture him being a dad. Looks like he had a wife, too."

"Not wife," they heard Daryl grumbled and they all turned to look at him. He was leaning against the wall with a backpack he hadn't had before with his eyes transfixed on the ground. Even though his head was lowered they could still tell that he was holding back tears and failing. "We were gonna get married, though. She died a few years ago."

 _"I promise you I'll take care of our little girl. You don't gotta suffer no more. Quit puttin' yourself through this. Go on, Jossie. We'll be alright. You'll be lookin' out for us. What better guardian angel do we need?"_

Nobody was sure if they should ask him any questions, if they should wait for him to talk, or if they should suggest to leave. In the end Carl's curiosity got the best of him. "What were their names?" he asked quietly, staring up at the man who raised his face to look at the rest of them.

"Josephine was my girl. Tessa was my daughter," he answered and a small smile crossed his face before it disappeared. "I grabbed some things for little asskicker. Some toys and things like that. Rick, find those guns? Didn't look like this place was raided." Daryl was all business again. Any evidence that they were in his house was gone from his face. He stood up straight and shouldered the bulky bag he had been carrying.

Rick cleared his throat to try to relieve the emotions that were flooding through him. He knew how he felt when he went inside of his own house and didn't see his wife or son. Daryl must've known his family was gone, so this could have only been more painful. He really felt for the hunter. "Yeah. It was all there. I, uh, grabbed this. Didn't know if you wanted it," he said and held out the pink crossbow he picked up. No emotion crossed Daryl's face but he did pick it up with careful hands.

 _"Daddy, why can't I hit the target?"_

 _"It takes practice. You're still young yet. Give it a few more years and I bet you'll be better at shootin' a bow than me."_

"We should head back now. I don't think we need to go through the last house. We got more than enough supplies and food that'll last us a while," Rick said.

Daryl shook his head at that. "It couldn't hurt to check out this last house. Richard was about your size so you could grab some more clothes there, and Linda didn't go anywhere without a needle and some thread," he said, and Michonne winced. He had some sort of relationship with these people and there they were just rationing each house. She knew that if she was in his shoes she would have made sure nobody touched the houses. She would want to be selfish. Daryl was anything but that.

Even though Daryl insisted that they should go through the last house he didn't join them. Instead he brought the bags of supplies they had back to the car and waited. After a few minutes the three of them came back and without speaking Rick started the car and Carl handed him the teddy bear he had been holding. He was driving a moment later and nobody even attempted to talk. Everybody was overcome with emotions from their trip. Rick understood Daryl a little better after learning a small bit of his life before the walkers. He had a family, lived in a nice neighborhood, and seemed to have been happy judging by some of the pictures he looked at. No wonder why he was so quiet and short-tempered. Michonne, on the other hand, was thinking about Merle. Daryl and him were brothers so of course his first instinct would be to protect him and stick up for him, but from what she saw the two didn't get along too well. Seeing that Daryl had lost people before the apocalypse reminded her that Merle was his last living blood family. She regretted giving him a hard time. The older Dixon was just trying to survive, and in a world like the one they lived in sometimes they had to do things they didn't want to do in order to stay alive. Carl was thinking about Sophia. Daryl had been so intent on looking for her. That probably had to be because he lost his own daughter and didn't want anybody to have to go through that. He couldn't save her so he was determined to save Sophia.

They still hadn't spoken a word by the time they returned to the prison, and even as they were unloading the car they kept quiet while Carol, Maggie, and Glenn, who had been waiting at the gate for them, tried talking to them. It didn't take long for them to figure out that something had happened while on the supply run, but they weren't too concerned since they all returned together and none of them had any visible injuries. Carol was more worried than Glenn and Maggie. She was especially worried about Daryl because the man seemed off. Tapping Rick and nodding her head away to motion him to follow her, she walked a few feet to the side while the leader followed. "What happened?" she demanded, her voice quiet so nobody was able to hear the conversation. "You all are so quiet and look down-right miserable. What is it?"

Rick unconsciously glanced over at Daryl who kept the backpack he got from his house on his shoulders instead of handing it over to Glenn who was offering to carry it inside. "I think you oughta talk to him," he said instead of answering her question. "He's not gonna want to talk...but I think he needs to, and you'd be the best one for him to talk to. You can relate." He didn't wait for her to reply before he walked back to the car to grab the last remaining bag and hand it over to Daryl while leaving Carol confused. She knew she could relate to Daryl a bit more than anybody else in the group because of their shared past of abuse (that he never admitted to her, but it was more than obvious by his behavior and the scars that littered his body - namely his back) and because of how they both preferred to keep to themselves. She knew Rick wasn't talking about any of that, though, when he said she could relate to him. It made no sense but she knew she'd get the hunter to sit with her while she tried to figure out what it was exactly that was bothering him.

Carol had to jog to catch up with Daryl who was already on his way inside. When she reached him she touched his arm lightly and turned him to look at her. "Hey," she said gently, rubbing her hand up and down his arm for a moment before pulling away. She knew how much he tried to avoid physical contact. "Wanna tell me what happened while you guys were away? Why don't we go get some dinner and sit down somewhere so we could talk?" He only grunted in an answer and began walking again which caused Carol to simply sigh and walk beside him.

It took longer than she would have liked, but she finally got Daryl to agree to eat some dinner while they sat in her cell. The rest of the group had already ate while Daryl, Rick, Carl, and Michonne were on a supply run, but they saved the four of them some food. The hunter wasn't hungry at all, but he ate a few bites to keep Carol from popping a blood vessel. They sat in silence for a relatively long time, but Daryl knew it was only a matter of time before the questions started. Deciding he wanted to get this over with quicker he decided to just say it. "The town we went to was where I lived," he said, startling Carol since she hadn't expected him to talk. "We stopped at my house."

Carol thought she understood what the problem was when he said that. Visiting where he used to live before the apocalypse would definitely take a toll on him as well as anybody else. It was completely understandable. If they returned to her house or even her city she'd probably break down in tears. "Oh, Daryl," she said quietly, "I'm sorry."

Shaking his head, Daryl set his food down and reached for the two bags that he hadn't let out of his sight. Opening one, he dug around in it for a moment before pulling out a picture frame. After staring at it for a long moment he held it out for Carol to see. Slowly she picked it up and then she brought her hand up to her mouth at what she was looking at. She saw a man who was obviously Daryl first. His hair was so much shorter and actually clean as well as the rest of his body. He had a large smile on his face with his arm around this beautiful woman. The woman had long, straight brown hair and brown eyes, and she was holding a baby. The baby was wrapped in a pink blanket and was wearing a little pink hat. She could have only been a couple months old.

 _"I never thought I'd be one to want to take pictures like this."_

 _"Always knew you had a sweet side, Daryl Dixon."_

 _"Look, Tessa's smilin'. Bet she's gonna be a photogenic one when she gets older."_

 _"She's a photogenic one now!"_

 _"She must take after her momma."_

Carol was about to ask about them even though she knew exactly who they were (because why else would he have his arm wrapped around this woman who was holding a baby if they weren't his?), but Daryl spoke first. "That's my family. Everyone's been wonderin' 'bout my life before this shit fest. That's what I lost."

Carol looked back up at the man who she never would have guessed had been a husband or father and saw that he was crying silently. "What were their names?" she asked, moving over so she was directly beside him. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him forward so she was hugging him tight. To her surprise he wrapped his arms back around her and allowed her to hold him. Her own eyes were watering at the thought of what Daryl had lost. They all had lost a lot and the group was basically all that they all had left, but nobody knew what Daryl lost besides his brother. They all assumed that he didn't have anything to lose other than Merle. It was sad to see him cry for his lost family just like they all did from time to time. Carol still mourned for Sophia, her parents, and everybody else she knew and loved before the apocalypse. Daryl was such a strong person who didn't seem bothered by much besides Merle's death, Dale's, her disappearance, Sophia, and things concerning the group. Not once had any of them seen Daryl show any type of emotion to his life and losses before they became a group. Hell, he didn't even show emotions for the losses he witnessed during the apocalypse other than the moment it happens. He barely mentioned Dale since he died, and he stopped looking so sad and beat up a couple of days after Merle died. He kept his losses to himself, and that made Carol start to cry. For whatever reason he chose to do everything alone, and she wasn't having any of that anymore.

She was brought from her thoughts when she heard Daryl taking a shaky breath. "Josephine was my fiancée. We were together for a few years before I proposed. Few days later she got in a car accident. Died in the hospital. Tessa was four at the time. She's my daughter. She had just turned seven before the walkers," he explained. He was talking somewhat slow and extremely quiet. Carol could see just how painful it was for him. "She would be eight soon."

Carol moved a hand to his head and ran her fingers through the man's hair. She expected him to tell her to stop or something but he just accepted it, so she didn't stop. "What happened to her?" she asked gently. She knew it probably wasn't the right time for him to talk about his daughter with her, but she knew if she didn't get him talking now then she never would, and she knew he needed to talk about it.

"Merle went to get her from school after he was attacked by a geek," Daryl explained. "He came by the house first but neither of us was home. The school was abandoned: everybody was bused home I think. Since she hadn't been at home he thought that maybe she was hiding. Tessa was stealthy. I was teachin' her how to hunt, so he figured maybe she took those lessons to her advantage if the school had been attacked. As he was about to leave, though...she attacked him. Nobody knew how all of this worked then so he didn't kill her. He just left to come get me." He took a long, deep breath. "Wouldn't let me in my house. He was tryin' to look out for me, I guess. Got in my truck that he was borrowin' and sped outta there. I guess he had grabbed some supplies from inside before I got home. He grabbed some guns an' my crossbow. He didn't know about the guns I had hidden, so we grabbed those while we were there today."

 _"Are you sure she's gone? Maybe we can head back over there and check."_

 _"I'm sure, baby brother. We'll be okay. You'll get through this."_

 _"How can I get through this?! Merle, she's my daughter!"_

 _"No. Tessa is your daughter. That thing was not. Tessa is okay now. She's with Josephine."_

Carol was surprised with how much he was saying. She figured that maybe he wanted to talk about it just as much as he needed to. She decided to keep him talking for as long as she could. "What else did you get from your house? Any other pictures or anything else that means something to you?" she asked, motioning down to his bags. He pulled away from her without a word and opened both of his bags. He pulled out the few remaining pictures that Rick had grabbed for him (bless that man) and held them out for Carol to look at. She studied them each carefully for a moment and then smiled when she looked at the one of the girl she knew was Tessa. The girl was wearing a flower dress, a small tiara with flowers, and she had a large smile on her face. "What was going on here?"

Daryl looked down at the picture and smiled. "Her birthday party. She wanted to be a 'flower child'. She didn't quite get what that meant. She invited some of her friends from school over and the kids she was friends with in our neighborhood. Had a big cookout," he said and then let out a small chuckle. "Even had Spongebob there."

 _"Daddy! You had Spongebob come?!"_

 _"Didn't you say you wanted a Spongebob? Go say hi to him. He didn't come all this way from the sea just to watch you talk to your dad."_

 _"Dad, I know that's not really Spongebob. Spongebob is fake."_

 _"Maybe so. But is that gonna stop you from playing with him?"_

 _"Nope!"_

Carol smiled at the picture and handed it back to Daryl. "Sounds like she had a fun birthday," she said softly. "Why haven't you told anybody about her or Josephine?" She was really curious as to why he kept his life hidden that much from everybody. She could understand keeping his history of abuse a secret, but this was his family. She knew he wasn't embarrassed by having a daughter or a fiancée. She knew it hurt to talk about losses, but this group had been together for very close to a year (at least her, Daryl, Glenn, and Carl have been together for almost a year - Rick came a couple months later, and then the Greene's, Judith, and Michonne) so she assumed if he had a family it would have come up eventually. After the months went by she just figured he was a loner even before the apocalypse.

The smile disappeared from Daryl's face and he began putting the pictures back in his bag. "I prefer not to talk about them," he mumbled. "Didn't even talk to Merle 'bout it after it happened. It's easier to just keep it to myself. Josephine has been gone for a while now, and even though it still hurts like hell I've learned to live without her. Tessa, though...If I brought her up I'd be a mess. I know you understand that, but I can't be strong like you. I can't talk about her like you could sometimes talk about your little girl."

 _"Can you tell me about mommy?"_

 _"What do you remember about her?"_

 _"I remember she was pretty and funny and nice. How old was I when she died?"_

 _"Four."_

 _"That was only two years ago. Why can't I remember?"_

 _"Don't cry, sweetheart. C'mere. You were young. Nobody expects you to remember everything."_

 _"I remember how much I miss her."_

 _"I miss her, too."_

Carol rested her hand on top of Daryl's. "Did you look so hard to find Sophia because of Tessa?" she asked, rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb. That had to be the reason, and she understood it so much more now. Daryl was selfless and probably would have looked for Sophia even if he never had a daughter, but now she understood why he was trying to look even after he pierced himself with his own arrow and got shot in the head. It made so much more sense.

"I didn't want you to go through what I did," he admitted. "Tessa didn't have a chance. She was gone before we even knew what was happenin'. I couldn't just sit around knowin' I might actually make a difference with Sophia. I'm still sorry I didn't find her in time."

She realized Daryl was about to start crying again so she moved her hand away from his and put it on his cheek. "You did more for her than anybody. What happened was out of your control. You put in the effort when everybody, even me, gave up," she said, blinking her own tears away. "I will forever be in your debt for that." Without thinking, she placed a kiss on his forehead and then rested her forehead against his. "You really are a great man, Daryl Dixon. I'm sure Josephine and Tessa would agree. What else did you bring back from your house? Anymore pictures?"

His face was red with blush just like it always was when he was complimented or given praise. He quickly pulled away from her as he reached again for his bags, leaving her with a smirk on her face knowing that she embarrassed him. The smirk disappeared, though, when she remembered the situation. He pulled out a child's backpack from his own and set it in Carol's lap. "This was her bag from preschool. She insisted we keep it. I put some stuff in there for little asskicker. We donated most of her baby clothes but kept some so that's in there as well as some toys she might like when she's a little older," he explained. "I also, uh, put Tessa's baby blanket in there. That girl always slept with it. Figured Judith might like it."

 _"Daddy, where's my blankie?! I can't find my blankie!"_

 _"Where's the last place you had it?"_

 _"I don't know. I can't sleep without my blankie!"_

 _"Let's go look for it. It couldn't have gotten far."_

Carol looked through the bag briefly before looking back at Daryl. "We're really lucky to have you here," she said quietly. "It must've been hard for you to grab these things. I'm sure Rick appreciates this a lot."

"Can you give it to him?" he asked, biting at his thumb nail. "I think I want to be alone for now. Tell Rick I'll go huntin' first thing in the mornin'." He stood up with his things - minus the bag Carol was holding - and left the cell without waiting for an answer. He needed to have the rest of the evening to himself so that he could continue on surviving and protecting everybody else. For a night they could all handle it if he chose to be selfish and skip his job as a hunter, and have somebody else take the first shift of watch.

When Daryl made it to his little perch he set out for himself he lowered himself to the ground with a heavy sigh. It had been an emotionally exhausting day and he wanted nothing more than to sleep, but he knew it'd be a long time before he was able to fall asleep. He couldn't stop thinking about Tessa or Josephine. He knew it was best not to focus on the past, but he figured he'd let himself have this night of mourning before he returned to his old self in the morning. So he reached into his bag and grabbed the teddy bear Carl had found. It was Tessa's, of course, but it was something Josephine had bought for her before she was even born. He would normally have felt silly for cuddling it but he didn't put any thought into it. Instead he allowed himself to let out all of the emotions he had been holding back for a year over her death. So much had changed in a year and it was unbelievable. The only good thing that came out of the situation besides making the friends he had in the group was the fact that Tessa finally had her momma back. Daryl was happy they were able to be together again, but he wished he had been able to be apart of it.

Laying down where he was sitting while still holding onto the teddy bear, Daryl thought back to when he was inside of his house. He walked down the hallway to his bedroom first and, instead of wasting time by going through everything like he wished he could have done, he went straight for the jewelry box that held both his and Josephine's wedding rings. He slipped those into his bag as well as a necklace that Josephine had wanted to give Tessa when she turned thirteen. It had belonged to her own mother, but it had been passed down through a few generations. It was a simple cross but it had meant the world to his girl. Since he knew Tessa would never be able to have it he grabbed it for Judith. It was what his family would have wanted. While in his bedroom he grabbed a couple new shirts and pants because he could never have enough clothes. He was outside in the trees enough that his clothes ripped quicker than anybody else's.

Next he went to Tessa's bedroom. He was reluctant, of course. He had been able to walk into his bedroom relatively easily since he had already gotten used to the fact that his girl was gone, but he wasn't ready to accept that his daughter was gone, too. This was the first time he had been inside her room since and he knew it'd probably be the last. He took a little longer in this room than in his own as he just soaked up the memories. He knelt down to pick up a soccer ball and he smirked a little bit remembering how much she loved kicking it around the house even though he told her constantly to take it outside.

 _"Tessa, what have I told ya about kickin' that thing inside the house?"_

 _"I won't break anything. I don't wanna lose it outside."_

 _"You'll break something inside if you keep it up."_

 _"No I won't, dad. Look."_

She really loved playing soccer. He was going to sign her up for soccer when the season came around. He let the ball roll away as he walked over to her bed. He told her that morning to make her bed just like he told her every morning. She never wanted to do it and would sometimes make a big scene about it. He couldn't blame her since he had been the same way, but it was something he knew he should teach his daughter. Her mother was big on making the bed.

 _"I don't see the point in this. We're gonna get right back into bed later."_

 _"It looks neater, Daryl. Doesn't it?"_

He took a sharp breath and shook his head as he realized tears were falling. He shouldn't be crying. This was the end of the fucking world. He needed to put survival first. He needed to get what he had to get and then leave. The longer they stayed where they were the better of a chance they would have at getting caught up by walkers or other survivors. He grabbed Tessa's old backpack that she used when she was younger and winced when it started lighting up. She had begged for the light-up Barbie backpack, and it was temperamental. Sometimes it lit up and other times it didn't, but the majority of the time it didn't. It seemed to always light up when he was picking it up, though.

 _"You're doing that on purpose! It doesn't light up when I touch it!"_

 _"I ain't doin' it on purpose. Maybe you're not moving it fast enough."_

He made sure the bag was empty before he walked over to her closet. On the shelf at the top was a box that had some things that belonged to Tessa when she was really little like some rattles and baby clothes. He put all of those into the little backpack so he could give them to Judith. Baby clothes and toys were rare to come across so he knew she could use as much as they could find. He was happy that he could put those things to use by giving them to little asskicker. He knew Tessa wouldn't mind and neither would Josephine.

Daryl hadn't realized he was crying until he had gasped for a breath. He was still laying in the same spot and clutching Tessa's teddy bear. He intended to give that to Judith as well but he wanted one more night with it. He missed his baby so much, and that teddy bear brought him a little closer to her. He kept his sobs quiet but that didn't stop the tears that were drenching the poor bear. He pushed the emotions of her death back for nearly a year, and now it was suffocating him. He had no idea how Carol had managed to be okay after Sophia's death.

He held onto the teddy bear for the rest of the night and didn't get any sleep. He was exhausted after crying a majority of the night away, but he felt a little better by the time he was ready to get up. His body protested with him getting up, but Daryl forced his way to his feet. He had his night and he would be okay. He changed quickly out of the clothes he had been wearing and into something slightly more clean before picking up the bear once more and going to join his group at breakfast. Daryl was already prepared for the sympathetic looks he knew he was going to get, but that didn't stop him from getting uncomfortable when he saw them from half of the group.

The hunter decided to ignore the looks and walked towards Beth who was feeding Judith. "Where'd you get this?" she asked, looking up at him with confusion in her eyes and voice. She took it from him but didn't look away.

Daryl turned to look at Rick who avoided eye contact, and then he turned to Carol. Had they really kept quiet about what they knew? He was filled with gratitude that they didn't spread his business, but he also wasn't ready to explain it, either, even if he knew it would be best if he said it as opposed to anybody else. He motioned for Beth to hand Judith over which she didn't without hesitation. They all knew Daryl was good with the baby, and he often fed her or just held her when he was able to. It had went as far as people started calling him Uncle Daryl which usually made him glare at everybody, but it wasn't a real threatening glare. He didn't mind the teasing as much as he would have months before.

Once he had repositioned Judith in his arms and the bottle in her mouth, he took a deep breath and began talking. "Went to my home yesterday," he said and the silence that followed was deafening. He could already feel the sympathy coming from everybody, and he almost turned around and left somebody else to explain. It wasn't anybody's damn business anyways, but he knew how unfair that was. He kept his life a secret for long enough, and if some people knew what he tried to keep a secret then everybody should know. They were all curious as it was. "That was my little girl's bear. Brought back some other stuff for little asskicker here. Even got another doll for her." He bounced Judith slightly and smirked down at her. "You better be grateful. I coulda found another baby to give all that to but I picked you. Bet you feel special, huh?"

Glenn was the first one to break the silence. "You had a daughter?" he asked, shocked. He couldn't picture the man being a father, but now that he knew he started thinking about how good he was with Judith. He obviously had at least some experience in caring for a child. He knew how to feed her, change her, and get her to fall asleep. He was even the best at getting her to calm down when she was screaming her head off over whatever was bothering her.

"Yeah," Daryl answered gruffly and in a tone that told people he was done talking about it, so nobody said anything else. He handed Judith back to Beth before turning to face Rick. "I'm gonna go out huntin' so I'll probably be gone till 'bout dinner." He said it as a statement but he was asking Rick if that would be okay with him. If Rick had other plans then the hunting could always be pushed back another day. They still had some meat they could eat before it went bad, but Daryl liked to keep them all well fed.

Rick nodded, approving of Daryl's plans. "Take as long as you need, and be careful out there," he said just like he said everytime Daryl went hunting. It was no secret that Rick hated Daryl going out hunting alone, but he also knew it was something that needed to be done. It was best for Daryl, so it was best for the group. He was just scared that Daryl wouldn't come back one day. None of them wanted to see that happen.

"I will, and, hey, you can tell 'em anythin' they wanna know," he said before walking out of the room in a hurry. He tried his best to avoid any confrontations and conversations such as that. He wasn't able to handle situations like those very well. It bothered Josephine to no end at first, and he could understand why. The best way to solve problems was by communication, and he tried his best to avoid as much of that as possible. She was usually okay with not talking about problems dealing with the two of them since those were rare as it was, but she was adamant about him talking about his own personal problems. Daryl would talk to her about her problems but wouldn't let her do the same for him.

 _"We can't just keep ignoring things. We need to talk about this."_

 _"I don't want to talk about this. I don't know why you do."_

 _"Well maybe because I care about you and hate seeing you hold all this in. You get like this anytime Merle calls to check in on you."_

 _"I don't want to talk about my brother."_

 _"You don't have to. I want you to talk about why you look so scared when he calls."_

 _"I don't look scared."_

 _"You can't fool me as well as you think you can. I know you aren't scared of him, so what is it you're scared of?"_

He sighed heavily as he picked up his crossbow and laced his boots up. This life was all about survival. It was time to focus on keeping everybody alive rather than focus on the people he failed to protect. The more he focused on them the more vulnerable he would be. Daryl could almost feel Josephine and Tessa with him and he could imagine their voices motivating him to pull himself out of the mini depression he was settling himself in. Their voices were so clear in his mind, and if he tried hard enough he could picture them standing there with him as they urged him to be okay again. They were always able to cheer him up just by their presence in the past. This didn't seem to be anything different.

 _"Tessa, honey, why don't you go pick out a movie so we can watch a movie with daddy."_

 _"Okay, mommy!"_

 _"You guys don't need to waste your time inside. It's nice out. Why don't y'all head to the park or somethin'?"_

 _"And leave you here all by yourself? No way. If you're gonna lay in bed all miserable like that then we're all gonna lay in bed together and, by god, you're gonna be smiling at the end of the day."_

 _"Why are you sad, daddy?"_

 _"I'm not sad, baby. You and your momma make sure of that."_

He smiled at the memory. It was the anniversary of his mother's death and all he wanted to do was sleep the day away but of course those two wouldn't let him get away with that. They all huddled together and watched Scooby Doo which wasn't exactly his idea of a perfect movie, but his family laying there with him made it worth it. They weren't physically there with him at that moment, but he felt like they were still doing everything they could to cheer him up. They weren't going to let him mope around all day.

"You two ain't even here and you know exactly how to help. I love you two."


End file.
